Airlines to Use Surplus Stocks of Onboard Chemtrail Agents to “Address” Disruptive Passengers

Airlines to Use Surplus Stocks of Onboard Chemtrail Agents to “Address” Disruptive Passengers

Representatives of the major airlines today started a week-long annual conference, the purpose of which is not known but due to the secrecy probably involves the stuff of conspiracy theorists’ wet dreams.

The WAN and K Centre’s senior correspondent was however able to infiltrate one of the panel discussions, entitled “Chemtrails: increasing efficiency and effectiveness”. One of the more popular suggestions tabled involved tapping into the onboard reserves of unutilised mind-bending chemicals, usually dispersed over unsuspecting communities as beautiful chemtrails, in specific situations such as dealing with unruly passengers. Comments included:
– why divert the plane and ruin the trip for the remaining passengers, when it can be dealt with there and then?
– it can be added to the unruly passenger’s drink, as they would probably be raging alcoholics anyway
– yes but what if they have that date rape drug detecting nail polish and it’s detected?
– well go ahead and test it, see if it reacts. Most unruly pax are probably male.
– why limit ourselves to unruly pax? Why not spray ’em all? We’re already doing the whole-
– easy there Jim, I mean, Compadre.

Editor’s note: after this article was submitted, our correspondent was taken ill and is not available for further comment.

Image credit: Michael Salisbury via Flickr